His actions, as RS mentioned, are the real test. Because you do need to step back and see how he reacts this time. I’m saying this for YOUR benefit by the way.
Just by saying those things, you may take a lot of pressure off him. Tell him, you’d like to take the pressure off and just let things happen naturally. I know you don’t think you did, but you kinda did. Tell him you realize that you sprung the “You’re the One” on him & pressured him for a response.
I’m not sure how to un-ring this bell, but if I were you, I’d sit down with him & ask for a do over. But it wouldn’t have happened in the time frame you were expecting. But again, if you hadn’t backed him into a corner, and were more patient, it could have happened organically. He felt backed into a corner, didn’t want to lose you and so he said what he needed to say. So, now that you’re here, what to make of his response? Well, it is very likely that you just bullied him into the response you got. After a certain amount of time, yes, you expect to hear those things. You guys had been dating 4 months, not 4 years. It would have been better for you to have left it alone and let him work it out. You thought that bringing it up, while not necessarily ending up in immediate affirmation, would get you the desired answer (or at least some affirmation) in a couple of weeks. But remember, you backed him into this corner.
It sounds more like stream of consciousness than any real answer. If he wasn’t ready to answer the same way as you, then he probably felt he had to explain, and his explanation was terrible. It’s a risk, for sure and you kind of put him on the spot…. To the second emailer: Yeah, saying “You’re the One” after 4 months…. And if you are able to work through it, what a great start to being open and honest with one another & getting a positive payoff for it. And look at it this way, if this guy is unable to open up to you and discuss his problems honestly, there are bigger issues there.
In other words, stonewalling will not be an acceptable answer. If he’s not willing to talk about it, tell him you’ll give him a few days to process, but you expect that both of you should be able to talk about it honestly & work through it. You need to be able to share, trust one another and be willing to work on whatever problem it is together. I think your opening needs to be along the lines of your willingness to work through anything with him, but the one thing you can’t work with is silence. If it’s something else, as RS noted, you have to be able to talk about it with him. With your support and complete understanding, it’s easily solvable most times. But you’re not going to get anywhere until he takes action to address it. Usually if it’s mental, though, it doesn’t last forever. But he really needs to see a urologist and see what can be done. It’s a really tough topic to broach, but I think you can if you do it lovingly and with the preface that you’re with him all the way & are willing to be sensitive & work through it with him.
It’s possible for stuff like that to come and go, it’s also possible that it could stay around. To the third emailer: Is it possible that he’s experiencing some sexual dysfunction? It kinda sounds like it. They’re at the top of the list now and I’m rooting for them.
They are easily my new favorite reality TV couple after this interview (although I don’t think I even had one before them). As always, if you want to respond to the interview, please include both their Twitter handles ( and in your replies. We cover a lot in here, so even if you never watched a second of the show, I think you’ll find the interview interesting because you are listening to a couple that agreed to get married on TV to someone they’d never met before, yet, are still married to this day 4 years later. I’m fascinated by this whole concept and Jason & Cortney’s story. But somehow these two have made it work (along with 2 other couples in their 6 completed seasons). If I find it ridiculous that the “Bachelor” is marrying someone that they’ve spent maybe 3 days with total at the end of 8 weeks of filming, obviously marrying someone at first sight seems preposterous. How can you not like these two? And you know me, I’m about as skeptical as anyone when it comes to reality TV show relationships. But I do like when I branch out and do things and think “Why don’t I do that more?” Lets just say I’m so glad I talked to Jason & Cortney Carrion from the first season of “Married at First Sight” for this week’s podcast.